Reincarnated Souls
by Jaelawyn Noble
Summary: The cycle of life, the creation and salvation.


Reincarnated Souls

Jaelawyn Noble [ Jaelawyn@attbi.com ]

**Disclaimer:** Love 'em, dun own 'em.  
**Warnings:** Angst, DDA [Dark, Depressed, Angst]  
**Rating:** R  
**Pairing:** no pairing  
**Archive:** my site - contact me if ya wish to post elsewhere  
**Feedback:** Yes PLEASE! I live off it!  
**A/N**: Hey - my 2sd What If fic. Enjoy

~

Alanna the Lioness looked out over the tower, fear quickly replacing triumph. "They're staging a ninth wave!" she yelled, trying to stay calm. 

"What should we do, Alanna?" Captain Jenik asked, panic very clear on his face. 

"I would say get the hell off this tower. They're bringing in catapults!" Alanna said, fear edging its way into her voice. 

Captain Jenik nodded, and started bellowing orders. Alanna ran down the stairs, yelling at the archers to pull back and to get out of the tower. They were at the Drell River Valley, and Tusaine's new king, the former Duke Hilam, was yet again trying to regain the Drell Valley. Never before had Alanna hated to give up land, and yet, that's exactly what was happening. They had lost every piece of land on the right back up to the Fort. They wouldn't survive much longer, even though they had beaten back the eighth wave, and won. But the men of Tusaine were not giving up. Without so much as a five minute interval, they attacked again, bringing catapults in. 

The first regiment of troops exited through a back door of the Fort, and were shot dead by archers. Half had escaped back into the Fort. 

"LIONESS!" one of the men yelled. Alanna turned on her heel, fear in her eyes. "They have us surrounded. They--" catapults cut him off. The Fort rocked. 

"Get DOWN!" Alanna yelled. She knew this was the end. The requested troops wouldn't get here for another week. By then, this Fort would be rubble. Alanna thought quick. _If every man in this Fort ran out at once, horses included, we should be able to overwhelm them._ She looked at Captain Jenik. "How many men do we have here?" 

"Three hundred," he said, taking a swig from his flask of brandy. He offered it to Alanna, who took a swig herself. 

"How many out there?" 

"Four hundred and ninety." 

Alanna winced. "If we exit through a certain spot where they're weak, we could get through. Is it possible?" 

"Abandonment?" 

"Evacuate, abandon, meet up with the troops coming in, overwhelm them, and take the Fort back." 

"That's crazy!" 

"It's crazy enough to work." 

"Yes, it is crazy enough to work. I just don't like it," Jenik said, as another catapult let loose a ball. 

"That's why it'll work." Alanna stood up. "Regiments one through twenty, MOVE OUT! Get the bloody hell out of here!" she yelled. None of the men needed second telling. They ran out of the Fort, every man for himself. 

"EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!" Jenik yelled as well. "After you?" he asked Alanna. Just then, catapults let loose liquid fire, and the Fort went up as an inferno, and burned as bright as the fires on Beltane. 

"What?" King Jonathan whispered into the silence of the Council Room. 

"The Drell River Valley has been taken back. Though, the Fort is nothing but burned wood and land. Captain Jenik and the Lioness were in the Fort at the time of the fire," Lieutenant Kalvin said, voice choked. 

Every man in the room looked at the Lieutenant with horror. The King couldn't believe his ears. 

"It can't be," Raoul whispered. Inside he was shaking, just as everyone in the room was. Alanna dead? It couldn't possibly be! 

"It is, m'lord. They were the last ones out. They started yelling at everyone to get out as the ninth wave began. They must've known it was futile, but they stayed behind to make sure everyone was out before leaving themselves. Never even made it to the exits." 

Jonathan shook his head. It just couldn't be. Hoping his voice didn't show how much he wanted to break down and sob, he said, "Well, my lords. This meeting is adjourned. It seems that I must notify the Court of our loss." Everyone nodded and left, except for Jon, Raoul, and Gary. 

"It isn't possible," Raoul said again, looking at the table, hands clenched into fists. 

"I know it isn't," Jon whispered. 

Gary looked down. "It's just like her. Makes sure everyone else is safe, never thinks maybe she should have gotten out of there as well." 

"That's what made her Alanna," Jon said, closing his eyes. "She wasn't selfish." 

Gary closed his eyes tightly, trying to keep the tears back. "I know. I know." 

Raoul stood, slamming his fist onto the table. "It isn't fair!" he snapped. 

"No one said life was fair, especially to knights. Especially to her," Jon said. 

Raoul sank back down to his seat, and buried his face in his hands, shoulders shaking. Gary's shoulders did the same, eyes streaming. Jon's barriers on his own tears broke and his cried silently, trying to tell himself that Alanna was in a better place. Though, he wanted her there with all his heart and soul. 

* * * 

Danika of Irismere glared back at her father. "I want to become a page," she said slowly and carefully, not trusting her temper. Her amber eyes blazed as her red tinged black hair flared down her back. She was tall for ten years old, five feet two inches. She got the height from her mother, who had died giving birth to her younger brother, Cody. 

"Out of the question!" Lord James yelled at his daughter. "Did you hear what happened to Lady Alanna? _Burned alive!_" His amber eyes blazed with anger and fear. His red hair fell into his eyes, and he pushed it back impatiently. 

"I know," said Danika. "But I want to try anyway. Did you see the baron of Mindelan pull his daughter out because of Lady Alanna's death?" 

"No," James said slowly. 

"Than why can't I try? I've heard what they've been saying. She let everyone go out in front of her. She stayed behind to make sure everyone was out. She sacrificed her life for others. Sorry if that makes me want to do what she did: help Tortall." 

"Leave the fighting to the men," James snapped. 

"Actually," Lady Alena said, slowly. She wasn't Danika's mother, but she always stood up for Danika. Always agreed with her, unless Danika was being daft. "I agree with Danika. Why not? She isn't our heir. She has a right to do what she wishes, even if it's risking her life for Tortall. And it's true. The baron of Mindelan didn't make one complaint about his daughter staying, he actually backed her." Her green eyes were stern, and her brown hair was hanging loose. 

"But she just got out of bed! Gods! After the concussion! I think this is what it's all about. You still have that concussion!" What James had been referring to, was the fact that two weeks ago, Danika had fallen into a river, and had been knocked unconscious. Only three days ago had she gotten out of bed. After the Healers thought they had lost her; they thought they had because for four scant minutes, Danika didn't have a pulse or a heart beat. 

"I want her to go," Alena said, softly. "She has four choices. The convents, the palace, or the Riders, or the Queen's Ladies." 

"I'm _not_ going to the convents!" Danika snapped. 

"I would say the palace or the Riders. The palace would be better, though," Lady Alena said. 

Lord James sunk down into his chair. "Send a letter. You may go," he said, waving his hand at the door. Danika smiled with triumph, and left the room. She ran the rest of the way to the village and burst into her best friend Aaron's home. 

"Hello Mistress Bowman. Is Aaron here?" Danika asked. 

"Aye. He's in his room," Mistress Bowman said, smiling at Danika. "Go on and surprise him now." 

Danika smiled and burst into his room like a tornado. "I'm going to the palace!" she announced. 

"What?" Aaron yelped, hugging her. "Yer father let ye?" 

"Aye!" Danika said, yelping as Aaron swung her in the air. Aaron was five years older than Danika, and the apprentice to the falconer of Irismere. His eyes were a bright hazel and his cropped hair was ebony. He was tall, being five feet and ten inches. 

"Well, may the gods damn me! I guess I should pay Zak right on up for it," Aaron said, putting her down. "When do ye leave?" 

Danika laughed. "I'm not leaving yet, silly! I have to wait for the training master to say I can." 

"Who? Old Cavall?" 

"Yes," Danika said, making a face. 

"Good luck!" 

"I know, he hates women warriors. Started a few rumors about the Lioness," Danika said bitterly. She stopped, wondering how she knew that. Aaron also watched her. 

"How'd ye know that tidbit?" 

"I don't know," Danika said. "I'm going back to the manor. Father will want me back there. Still thinks I have a concussion," she said, crossing her eyes. 

"He might be right, ye know," Aaron said, watching her suspiciously. 

"Oh, come on Aaron! I don't have a concussion! Look, I'll see you later, all right?" 

"All right. Be safe now, ye hear?" he called after her. Shaking his head, he went to talk to Zak Hunter, the hunter's son. 

"Are ye certain?" he asked Aaron. 

"I be certain. She acted as if she _knew_ Old Cavall." 

"Hunh," Zak said, chewing on a dried piece of grass. "It is possible that her mind meshed with someone else's." 

"Is it possible?" 

"Danika has the Gift. Anything is possible with sorcerers." 

"Aye. That be _very_ true." 

"A little too true, be it," Zak muttered. "Even I have the Gift. But not I know all them workings of it. Minds of magic can mesh. Danika may carry _two_ souls." 

"The rumors are _true_?" Aaron gasped. "That the Lioness be not quite dead?" 

"Oh, she's dead. But, maybe her being the Chosen of the Goddess, as me uncle says, saved her soul, and somehow meshed with our Danni's." Zak said. "We shan't tell her. She'll just be confused." 

"Like we ain't?" Aaron snapped. 

"Time will tell if it true. Have a friend in the palace, don't ye?" 

"Aye. Not a page, but a sorcerer. He knows some pages." 

"Ask him to ask his friends to keep on eye on Danni. That way, if she is a little _too_ good with her weapons work, we know that the rumors be true, and be true in our Danni." 

"A girl applied?" Kel asked. 

"Yeah, few days ago. Shocked Papa and Lord Wyldon a lot. _I_ want to know what girl in her right mind would still want to be a knight after what happened to Lady Alanna, no offense Kel," Roald said. 

"None taken," replied Kel. "I think I'm crazy to still want to be a knight after what happened." 

Roald chuckled. It was Neal who spoke. "There are rumors," he began. 

"Neal! Those are just rumors!" Roald snapped, becoming angry. "There is no way Lady Alanna is still alive." 

"Your Father believes it. Master Numair does, as does Master Harailt. Those are the three most powerful sorcerers in Tortall, now that Lady Alanna isn't alive," Neal snapped back. "Ask anyone of the masters in the University! Everyone knows of a working called 'Sorcerer's Sleep.' Duke Roger used it! And if one word is changed, that sorcerer's soul could mesh with another! It is possible that Lady Alanna did just that!" 

Thom was listening. "I believe it," he said softly. "And Neal is right. People do talk of it. Some wonder if a sorcerer would try and raise the dead, like my Uncle Thom did." Thom wasn't a page, he was becoming a sorcerer. Even though he was eleven, he was at the University. 

"Thom, it isn't possible!" Roald said. 

"It is. I've looked through Ma's old sorcery books. Most of them are ones Uncle Thom used. There are five variations of 'Sorcerer's Sleep' and each one is marked by Ma, and marked by Uncle Thom. Roald, _it is possible!_" Thom snapped. "If you don't believe me, ask your Da, or Master Numair, or Master Harailt! They _all_ believe in it!" 

"They believe because they want a small hope that their best friend hasn't died!" Roald yelled. 

Thom fished something out of his pocket and shoved it in Roald's face. "You know the properties of gifts for the Goddess, don't you?" he asked tersely. 

"Yes," Roald said, just as tersely. 

Thom opened his hand, showing a glowing emberstone. "The one thing that survived the fire. If Ma wasn't still alive, or her soul still alive, than how come the stone is still an ember? Shouldn't it have turned to ash?" 

Neal grinned with satisfaction. Roald was speechless. Kel bit her lip, trying not to laugh. Quiet Thom turned out to have a side of himself that was loud and angry. Prince Jasson watched the ember pulse. The look on his face serious, but excited. 

"This girl has the Gift?" Thom asked, putting the necklace back into his pocket. 

"Yes," Roald said. 

"Then it's possible. Watch her. If she suddenly looks like she's learning faster than everyone else, or knows everything even you, Neal, then tell me. Corner her, see if she'd react like Ma would," Thom said. "I've got to get back to the University. I got three days off was the only reason I'm here. I'll talk to you all later, or whenever I get back to the palace," Thom said. He trotted away to the stables went to his room, coming back with his pack, mounting, and riding off the palace grounds. 

"I believe him," Jasson said. 

Five weeks later, a girl showed up. Neal stuck to what Thom said. He watched the girl who was standing in front of a room with her name on it. Danika of Irismere. She was five feet and two inches. She had ebony hair with a red tinge to it, and she had amber eyes that looked to be gold. She was slim, and catlike. She was lithe, and had strong bone structure. Was it possible that two sets of minds looked out those closed off amber eyes? Was it possible that two sets of souls lived in that slim body, one staying far back as not to arouse suspicion? 

Neal sighed, watching the girl look over the pages, her look was calculating. That was strange, because it looked like she was thinking of who would be better to take on if a fight should break out. He elbowed Prince Jasson, and nodded to the girl. "Rumor. True, I swear it." 

"I do as well," Jasson hissed. "I'm still working on my brother. Still thinks it's only rumor." 

"Let him," Neal muttered. 

"Name and holding," Lord Wyldon said, nodding to the boy next to Danika. 

"Derek of Genlith, sir," the boy said. He had strait blonde hair and glinting green eyes. He was stocky and slim. And looked to be shy. 

"Who will sponsor him?" 

"I will," Merric of Hollyrose said. He winked at Kel, who defeated the urge to laugh. 

"Name and holding," Lord Wyldon said to the girl. 

"Danika of Irismere," she said, meeting his eyes. Neal saw a slight challenge in her gaze, and from the way Lord Wyldon moved his head to the side and his lips thinned, he saw it as well. 

"Who will sponsor her?" Lord Wyldon asked, not meeting her eyes. 

Jasson looked at Neal, a faint smile touched his lips. "I'll sponsor her," Jasson said, smiling at Danika. 

Lord Wyldon nodded. "Name and holding," he asked the next boy. He was Sarsan of Heathercove, and was being sponsored by Owen of Jesslaw. Charir of Nenan was sponsored by Faleron. Jackson of Danshame was sponsored by Esmond. Saryn of Tamaren was sponsored by Seaver. 

Neal and Kel stayed with Jasson when the others left. Danika stood by her door. 

Danika looked at Jasson. "Why did you sponsor me?" she asked. Her voice was a musical soprano, a high one, though it was soft when she spoke. 

"Well, there are about twenty rumors about you, and if I'm your sponsor, the rumors will most likely end." 

A look of suspicion entered Danika's blank eyes, and quickly vanished. "Rumors never fade. They'll always be there, no matter what anyone does to get rid of one." 

Jasson masked his surprise. That was the same thing Lady Alanna had said once! "Well, then, let's get to dinner." 

Danika nodded and walked with Jasson, staying a little to his right. Neal and Kel stayed quite, though Jasson knew Neal was watching Danika with his Gift. The slightest change in her aura, and Neal would pounce on it. As they entered the mess hall, Jasson heard Danika mutter, "Hasn't changed much." 

Neal raised an eyebrow, and nodded. Danika's aura was doubled, then went single. As they got their food, Danika's aura doubled and singled. By the end of dinner it was still rippling. And when Jasson and Neal and Kel got Danika in her own room, it went straight to single. 

"Okay, so, you have a double aura," Neal said. 

"I what?" Danika asked, puzzled. The second aura appeared and Neal pounced on the chance. 

"Lady Alanna," Neal said flatly. 

Danika's eyes flared a bit. Her aura stayed double. "How'd you know?" asked Danika in a small and quite voice. 

"The doubling of the aura." 

//Twins have the same thing,// Alanna's voice snapped in their minds. 

"Sorcerer's Sleep," Jasson asked. 

//Maybe,// Alanna replied, and then the second aura collapsed upon itself and vanished without a trace, leaving Danika completely. 

Danika swayed. "What are all of you doing here?" she gasped, and her knees buckled. Neal watched with his magic as the second aura flooded Danika's system and steadied her with a life force so incredibly strong, it had to be Alanna. Kel had caught Danika when her knees had buckled, but let Danika go when she had steadied. "Thanks," Danika said softly. A ripple in the second aura was a soft one, but full of affection. 

"Okay," Jasson said. "What haven't you told us, Danika? Or should we say, Alanna?" 

//You should say Danika,// snapped Alanna. _//Sorry, but I don't really exist. Danika wouldn't exist without my life-force. What would you prefer? Both of us gone, or both of us here? This is the way the Mother wanted it, and that's the way it has to stay.// _Alanna sounded tart, bitter, and very tired. 

"You want death, don't you?" Neal asked, a little amazed. 

//Yes,// the voice said. _//I do. It's better than having to stay in this girl's mind, having nothing to do except listen and see memories I'd quicker forget. If you ask me, this is a worse torture than I'd get if I were alive and was given to the Copper Isles.// _

"You would prefer to die?" Kel asked. 

//Yes.// 

"Why?" Jasson asked, shaking his head. "You can help Danika." He grinned ruefully. "The Perfect Knight, that could be her." 

//You want to know why?// Alanna asked, her voice tired. _//Here's why.// _

Suddenly they were drawn into a deep memory, but a recent one. 

Alanna was looking out over the tower, fear quickly replacing the triumph she had felt. "They're staging a ninth wave!" she yelled, trying to stay calm. Fear was working it's way into her mind. Fear, great. This is NOT good,_ Alanna thought bitterly. _

"What should we do, Alanna?" Captain Jenik asked, panic very clear on his face. He was panicking. 

Alanna wanted to smile ruefully and to say: "Yeah, well, we should ALL panic. After all, they're going to murder us and leave us very dead." Instead she said, "I would say get the hell off this tower. They're bringing in catapults!" Alanna said, fear edging its way into her voice. She winced mentally, Oh, yeah. Now they know that they're going to die. Listening to a "legend" and a "hero" babble and fret. Or they'll push it off as feminine vapors._ She frowned and said, "And if I see right," she muttered, handing the spyglass to Jenik, "they have liquid fire." _

Captain Jenik nodded, handed the spyglass back, and started bellowing orders. Alanna ran down the stairs, yelling at the archers to pull back and to get out of the tower. 

The first regiment of troops exited through a back door of the Fort, and were shot dead by archers. Half had escaped back into the Fort. 

"LIONESS!" one of the men yelled. Alanna turned on her heel, fear in her eyes. Shaking her head, she got the emotion out of her eyes. Fear, and emotions, only a weakness during battle,_ she lectured herself sternly. "They have us surrounded. They--" catapults cut him off. The Fort rocked. _

Alanna and the man were thrown to the floor. Alanna stayed down, even though the man at arms got up and ran out the door, getting shot to death, his cries of surprise sending shivers of fear down her spine. Ooooh, this is NOT good! No! This _can't_ happen!_ Her mind wailed in fright. _

Oh, do shut up!_ Said the coldly aloof part of her mind that took over during fighting and battles. _I can't think when I'm panicking. And besides, panicking isn't going to get us out alive! 

"Get DOWN!" Alanna yelled, done with her inner debate. She knew this was the end. They were_ going to die here. The requested troops wouldn't get here for another week. By then, this Fort would be rubble. Alanna thought quick. _If every man in this Fort ran out at once, horses included, we should be able to overwhelm them._ She looked at Captain Jenik. "How many men do we have here?" _

"Three hundred," he said, taking a swig from his flask of brandy. He offered it to Alanna, who took a swig herself. 

Maybe I'd do better if I intoxicated myself,_ Alanna thought with some humor. "How many out there?" she asked, handing the flask back to him. She wiped sweat off of her brow, nervous. _

"Four hundred and ninety." 

Alanna winced. "If we exit through a certain spot where they're weak, we could get through. Is it possible?" 

"Abandonment?" 

"Evacuate, abandon, meet up with the troops coming in, overwhelm them, and take the Fort back." It's crazy, but it has to work. It just _has_ to!_ Alanna would have laughed at herself at that moment. _Hah! I'm getting desperate! So very desperate. Never thought I'd see the day when I'm desperate for something!_ Alanna smiled ruefully. _

"That's crazy!" Jenik yelled, echoing Alanna's earlier though. 

"It's crazy enough to work." 

"Yes, it is crazy enough to work. I just don't like it," Jenik said, as another catapult let loose a ball. The entire Fort shook, and the roof started to creak and give in some places. 

"That's why it'll work." Alanna stood up. "Regiments one through twenty, MOVE OUT! Get the bloody hell out of here!" she yelled. None of the men needed second telling. They ran out of the Fort, every man for himself. It was_ every man for himself, no matter what regiment they were in, they ran like there were demons after them. _

"EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!" Jenik yelled as well. "After you?" he asked Alanna. Just then, catapults let loose liquid fire. 

Alanna's eyes blazed, seeing the fire pour through the wooden and thatched roof. "RUN!" she yelled. Catapult after catapult launched liquid fire. And the only thing Alanna was aware of was that the only means of escape were cut off. I was right,_ she thought with some triumph. _I knew that this was the end._ She chuckled quietly. _I always knew I'd die some horrible way, and not in bed. _A small corner of her mouth quirked up. _Well, this is quite ironic. I survive everything the gods threw at me, including a mad sorcerer, and now I'm being taken out by liquid fire. Oh, the irony! 

And suddenly, those thoughts left, and the only thing she was aware of, was the increasing heat, the fire, and the fact that there were other screams in the Fort, ones that weren't hers and ones that weren't Jenik's. 

Alanna slowly released Jasson, Kel, and Neal from the memory. They sat there, shaking and not able to stop it. 

"Was _that_ how it ended for you?" Neal asked, thought his speech was quite and shaken. 

//Yes.// 

"How could you deal with that?" Jasson asked, softly. "I mean, you've told Roald, Kally, Liam, Lianne, and me all about the things you did when you were younger, but you've never, _ever_, told us with the emotions that you did on the one time the Copper Isles caught and told Papa about it." 

There was a soft chuckle. _//I learned how to control my emotions. I'm as good at it as any Yamani. I had to be. If I'd let everyone I was training with know how I feel, that would have given me away the first month I was there! Jasson, people learn to overcome emotions because they must. Any warrior knows it.// _

"You think it's a weakness?" Kel asked. 

//Yes.// Alanna chuckled. _//I know I'm sounding like Lord Wyldon, and I'd rather die. . . . Never mind. Anyway, in battle it _is_ a weakness. It'll get you killed if you think with your heart instead of your mind.// _

"Oh," all three said at once. Danika had been sitting on the bed as quietly as she could. Now she injected what she thought. 

"But, being a warrior teaches you that, doesn't it?" she asked softly. 

//Yes and no.// Alanna said. They got the distinct impression she was smiling. _//Yes in the fact that you have to learn to live with the blood you've had spilt on your hands. No in the fact that you can't hide emotions as easily as hiding a thing. There _are_ empaths. My brother was one, I'm one. I _think_ Numair is one. An empath is one who knows what someone is feeling. I never used empathy. I read faces and eyes all too easily to want to know what they think and feel. Actually, Jonathan is an active empath and active thought-reader. He has to be, since he's the Voice of the Tribes for the Bazhir.// _

"Ah," Danika said. 

"Okay, Danika. Was it your idea to become a knight? Or did Alanna push you into it?" Jasson asked. 

//I would never!// came Alanna's indignant reply. Her aura was rippling furiously. 

Jasson grinned. "It wasn't Lady Alanna, and it wasn't me. It was my step mother, Lady Alena. She said it was a grand opportunity. And, well, I agreed with her. That's why I'm here." Alanna, wisely, kept her verbal mouth shut. 

"Alanna," Neal said, thinking about something. "Is it possible to separate from your life-force into something else, or into death? Since you wish it so much." 

There was something like a shot of surprise, followed by Alanna's musing reply, _//There might be a way. It'd certainty would be worth the risk. No offense, Danika, but I'd rather _not_ be stuck in your body.// _

"No offense is taken," Danika said. "It's kind of crowded in my mind with you there. I wouldn't mind if you left at all!" 

Alanna laughed. _//All right.//_ Then all went silent. _//It's possible. I guess I could just fall out of Danika's body, and use a spell. Or bargain with the Black God!//_ The last was spoken with humor. 

"What do you mean? How could you bargain with the Black God?" Neal asked, interested. 

//Oh, he and I are good friends. I love stealing souls from him! And he tries to get me all the time! He'll be glad not to have to put with me as a Healer anymore!// Neal's jaw fell open. _//Don't be so shocked, Neal. Ask your father, he's had to fend off the Black God a few times himself!// _

"I will," Neal asked, a little shaken. 

Alanna didn't give anymore warning than a soft touch of affection for them all. _//Jasson, tell your father that if he starts feeling too sorry for himself, I'll come back to haunt him!// _

With that, she was gone… 

Or was she….? 


End file.
